Forget Thanos’ Butt: Captain Marvel’s Cat Should EAT Him

Warning: SPOILERS for Captain Marvel

We never thought that Avengers: Endgame theories would suggest that Ant-Man enter Thanos’ butt, yet that is exactly where Marvel fans have taken the conversation. So if we’re spinning outlandish theories, we believe the MCU has already shown that the best way to beat Thanos isn’t to invade his lower intestines… it’s swallowing him whole.

That’s not a task for any of the Avengers who survived his snap, even if it would make for terrific revenge. It’s not a mission for any human being at all, but a mysteriously gifted Flerken, also known as Captain Marvel’s cat Goose. And while the directors of Endgame won’t confirm or deny whether or not Goose survived Thanos’ snap, we hope for the sake of the universe that she did. Because the true secret of her deadly tentacles is exactly what it will take to end Thanos once and for all. Not to mention spare Ant-Man his worst mission ever…

The Ant-Man/Thanos/Anus ‘Thanus’ Theory

Thanos Ant-Man

In case anyone has missed the emergence of this butt-focused Thanos theory–tragically referred to in some online circles as ‘The Thanus Theory’–it may be hard to believe. But more than giving a brand new meaning to the term Endgame, the crude joke has taken on a life of its own. The first suggestion made sense: if Ant-Man penetrated Thanos’ defenses by entering his body through an orifice, he could manage to circumvent his incredibly durable skin (invincible enough to yield a single drop of blood in response to Iron Man’s most violent assault). Once inside, Ant-Man need only grow to his normal size, or to the Giant Man scale, and kill Thanos in gruesome yet effective fashion.

RELATED: The Avengers: Endgame Directors Love The ‘Thanos Butt’ Theory

Before long, the theory had spurred on creative interpretations of how Ant-Man would invade Thanos in a heated battle, until even Josh Brolin posted a response to the Thanos Butt Theory. Sadly, nobody stopped to realize the most crucial drawback to the plan: the experience wouldn’t go as smoothly for Scott Lang as fans seem to suggest. As Drax and the Guardians of the Galaxy explained in their second film, an impenetrable skin is just as impenetrable from the inside. Meaning growing to full size could kill Thanos from inside out… but it would almost certainly mean the death of Ant-Man, as well. A worthwhile sacrifice, perhaps–but not one the Avengers need to make if they follow our plan, instead.

Goose The Cat Should Swallow Thanos, Instead

Captain Marvel Goose

After seeing Captain Marvel, it would be tempting to say “Goose the cat should just swallow Thanos whole” and be done with it. The Flerken’s ability to spew out a massive storm of tentacles and consume enemies is as close to a ‘win button’ as the Marvel movies have gotten. But there’s more to the theory than a solid joke. To understand why Goose is the perfectly-crafted Thanos killer, audiences will need to learn about the secret behind her abilities. We’re referring not only to the ability to spew tentacles, but to swallow the Tesseract without issue.

The question isn’t how Goose can survive swallowing an Infinity Stone, or a Mad cosmic Titan, and live. The question is where they go when Goose swallows them. And the answer to that question spells out the Avengers’ next movie perfectly. Buckle up.

Page 2 of 2: Goose The Cat’s Secret, Thanos-Beating Power

Key Release Dates
  • Captain Marvel (2019) release date: Mar 08, 2019
  • The Avengers 4 / Avengers: Endgame (2019) release date: Apr 26, 2019
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